Thelemic Four Step Guide: Step 6 - Sexual Activity

If you are Wiccan, you might be familiar with the line from the Charge of the Goddess that says, "All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals." Thelemites might remember, "Take your fill and will of love…but always unto me, from the Book of the Law. The problem is that we don’t always treat the partner as the God/dess or Star that they are. Sometimes we are there only to get our own needs met, and ignore the Other’s needs. Sometimes we are attempting to work out an issue by finding a partner (usually subconsciously) that embodies that issue. This is not healthy. Nuit reminds us that all these acts are for Her glory, and the Wiccan charge reminds us that love is WORSHIP of the Other. If you only want to satisfy yourself, stay home and do it yourself.

For this part, make a list of all of the sexual partners that you have ever had. If there are a lot, you might want to break it down by year. If you can’t remember a name, use a brief description. Once again, you are looking for patterns. If you always wind up with alcoholics, start looking for the alcoholic in your childhood. If you tend towards significantly younger or older lovers, identify what need in you this is filling. It might be a control issue (for the younger), or a search for a mama/daddy replacement (for the older). If they are abusive, which parent are you attempting to be with to feel (finally) worthy of love. If you never get your needs met, you probably need to learn how to state them, then be willing to leave if they are not respected.

Your partners are mirrors for your own traits, habits, and issues. Remember the 50% rule. If there is something about a partner or former partner that you really hate, it might be something within you that you don’t want to look at. It could also be that this is the opposite of how you do it, and the two traits are not compatible, in which case you get to ask yourself why you have partners that are the opposite of what you want.

Examine your communication skills and style. Subtlety rarely works in relationships. State your needs, wants, and feelings directly. State your irritation before it becomes anger. Give up on trying to control other people and practice acceptance. Be a Star in the Company of Heaven, rather than a meteor that is off course, colliding with Stars and wrecking havoc.

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