Thelemic Four Step Guide: Step 5- Resentments

The Big Book of AA identifies resentment as the number one cause of relapse. We can relapse in behavior just as easily as drinking or eating. Resentment is the anger aroused by a real or imagined wrong or injury, and can produce feelings of hatred for the person you believe wronged you. Neo-paganism does not "turn the other cheek," but neither does it condone attacking someone to assuage your own pride. Karma always comes home. There is a perception that forgiveness is the same as condoning what was done, and it would be inappropriate to condone abuse, slander, or oath-breaking. We can let go without forgiving, by taking our power back, and refusing to invest any more emotion in that person.

Anger and resentment leads bickering, friction, hatred, unjust revenge, "witch wars," alienation, and regression to the behavior of a two year old. Character assassination, gossip and scheming have a way of backfiring and returning to the sender. The negative behavior definitely causes harm, thus making that neo-pagan an oath-breaker. The worst part is that the cause of the resentment (if not related to actual abuse) is often imaginary, and was rooted in self-centered grandiosity.

The Big Book of AA details a very effective method of dealing with resentment. AA has a saying, "Let go and let God." We might put it differently, but the intent is the same. Once we have identified the perimeters of the resentment, we ask our personal concept of a Higher Power to remove the resentment, and we keep at it until it is gone. We do not have to forgive a parent or an ex for abuse, but we do need to get on with out lives and take our power back. Resentment is a way of giving power to someone else, and it is inevitably to someone who doesn't deserve it.

In every situation involving 2 people, each person gets 50% of the responsibility. The exception is abuse suffered in childhood. A child has NO responsibility for the abuse. As soon as you became an adult, however, you became responsible for your actions. If you were in an abusive relationship, your 50% was allowing it (not leaving after the first incident). You did not provoke it, and you did not create the abuser, nor can you fix the abuser. You do need to leave, and not repeat the relationship wearing a different face. Resentments happen when you refuse to accept your part of the situation, and when someone punches a fear button. For example, you are angry at your ex-boss because you lost your job. You are not accepting that you were always late, didn't follow company policy, and kept a statue of Baphomet on your desk to annoy the Christian in the next cubicle. The fear that it hit was the fear of rejection. You manifested it, so it is pointless to blame someone else for it.

It is a magickal principle that you create, manifest or invoke what you fear. The Universe (Your HGA) assumes that you are spending emotional energy on something because you want that thing. It happily provides it for you, and then wonders why you are upset when you get what you wanted. The HGA does not differentiate between a fear and a blessing. It only knows what you are thinking about (and it doesn't distinguish between conscious and subconscious). If you walk around saying "I hate my job," it won't be long until you don’t have it anymore. If you fear abandonment, your actions tend to push people away, so you will keep getting abandoned until you face the fear, because the Universe will continue to think that is what you want.

Once you identify your fears, you will once again look for the pattern of behavior and identify the event that originated the behavior. We don't work through issues by re-creating them, but by examining them, feeling our feelings, and changing the pattern. By the way, for those of you who are saying "I'm not afraid of anything," you are in denial about something! No one is reading this but you, and your refusal to face your feelings is killing you, at least spiritually. If you are human, and not a cabbage or something, you have fears, faults, and needs. When those needs don't get met, you develop hurt, and hurt matures into fear.

Go back as far as you can remember from earliest childhood and list all of the resentments you have accumulated in your life. If you have done a 4^th step before, begin where the last one left off, but be sure to include any new childhood resentments that tiptoed in since then. Some resentments will seem trivial when you look at them, but the fear behind it is real. If it bothers you, write it down. Take a piece (tablet) of paper and divide it into five columns. Label each column, and fill it in using the following as an example:

Person	Circumstances	My 50%	Feeling	Fear
Kenny	I loaned him money and he never paid me back	I knew he was broke and wanted to appear superior and generous	anger	fear of betrayal, poverty, and trust
Ex-lover	We performed sexual acts I found repugnant	I did not say no, express my will, or leave. Everyone else was into it, so I thought I should be to.	shame guilt	fear of intimacy, and abandonment
next door neighbor in 1988	Kept leaving his trash in my yard	I never said anything to him. I played the stereo middle of the night. I ran over his garden on a regular basis.	anger, righteous indignation, helplessness .	fear of confrontation

Where have you been passive aggressive, acting in a manipulative mean way rather than state your feelings and negotiate a resolution? (Running over the garden, not doing the dishes for three weeks because your roommate didn't take her turn, leaving your dirty laundry in the hall to annoy your spouse, things like that.) Where have you nagged or criticized because someone else wasn't behaving the way you wanted them to? Where have you created uproar (caused a situation) to deflect attention away from something you were doing, or a lie you have told? Where have you created situations in which you could be the center of attention or a martyr? When and under what circumstances have you done things you didn't want to do to please someone else? When have you made yourself a house mother or servant to others so that they would like you?

Take your power and responsibility back. As adults (with the exception of rape), there are no victims, only volunteers. Don't volunteer.

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