Thelemic Four Step Guide: Step 2- Destructive Attitudes

Attitudes are the wellspring of words and actions. If we change our attitudes, our whole approach to life changes. This can be a difficult process, because attitudes are usually programmed in childhood, and live in the subconscious where you can’t see them clearly. Sometimes it is helpful to "act our way into right thinking," or "act as if," as they say in AA. In other words, behave as if you believe that you will get a job, exercise, or simply not drink today, and it becomes true in fact.

We begin this section by writing down our inner beliefs about life. Examine your attitude towards friends, enemies, parents, siblings, work, play, sleep, trust, power, Divinity, afterlife, and expectations for the future. Sometimes survival skills in childhood become lethal in adulthood. For example, if you grew up in an abusive home, you may have learned that sneaking into the drug cabinet to steal your mother’s valium made the pain of a beating go away. This may have saved your life when you were eight, but now it is poisoning your body, it is killing you. There is life after drugs. In adulthood, we learn to take care of ourselves by staying away from abusive people, so we don’t need the substance anymore. Being a martyr will not make people respect you, binge eating will not fill the emptiness, drinking will not bring enlightenment. As Pagans, we learn how to fill up the emptiness with spirit, and the light of Divinity in whatever form is most comfortable. The best wine is love, and the strangest drug of all is ecstatic union with your True Will. You can’t find it in a bottle.

While you will come up with many of your own, some common destructive attitudes include:

Disaster-izing
Being Extremely pessimistic about the future. The feeling of impending doom. "This is wonderful, therefore, I know something terrible will happen soon." We do this because inside, we feel that we really don’t deserve happiness (good job, nice home, spiritual peace). Write some affirmations on your bathroom mirror, such as "My life is getting better and I am more at peace, one day at a time." It works.

Paranoia
Someone/everyone is out to get me. Do unto others before they can do unto you. Okay, for some of us at one time, perhaps someone was out to get you; your parents, the police, and abusive spouse; now, however, you are just another person. Paranoia is another form of self-centeredness. While we are important to the Divine, we aren't really that important in the scheme of things. People have better things to do than think about you, most of them have lives so you need to get one too.

Mistrust
Face it, a lot of people had horrible childhoods and destructive relationships. Usually because we went about it backwards. We learned in various ways growing up that parents could not be trusted. Sometimes that meant that your life was in danger, and sometimes that meant that "people don’t mean what they say, or people make promises that they don’t keep." As adults, we got into relationships with people before we knew them well, and got hurt. Trust is earned. Give a little at first, then if is respected and honored, give a little more. If someone betrays your trust, they were not your friend to begin with and you have the right to remove them from your life. It is useful to remember the saying "I trust people to be exactly who they are." Don’t expect Hitler to act like Gandhi. Don’t hang out with Hitler.

Jealousy and Envy
Jealousy is insecurity. You feel threatened in some way, usually because you have the mistaken belief that you somehow "own" another person and you are afraid that they will leave or hurt you. When your property is threatened, you get angry and hurt. Envy is being unable to be happy for someone else when they have good things happen to them, and wanting those things (events, relationships) for yourself. Jealousy is related to trust, and envy to self-centeredness. Try believing in yourself, and know that if someone does leave, they didn't want to be there in the first place. You deserve better, so look somewhere else. Wicca is based on "Perfect Love and Perfect Trust." Jealousy has no place in that. To treat envy, make a list of all the things you are grateful for (breathing, having food, clothing, friends, a place to sleep, surviving…). If you want something, make it a goal and work towards it. Act as if you were happy for the other person, and start believing that you actually are.

Obsessions
People in recovery are intimately familiar with obsessions. We allowed drinking or drugs, or food, or a person, or work, (or a combination of things) to consume our thoughts and actions. Obsession is the experience of giving something else complete control of your Will, and your whim becomes your master. The Book of the Law state "slaves shall serve." When we are in obsession, we serve the obsession, and have nothing left for healthy pursuits. We are sometimes under the delusion that we control the object of our obsession, and we have to learn that we can not control people, places, things, or situations. Magic is about learning to go with the tides of the Universe, not about fighting the Universe to get your way. Let go. Let it be what it is and divorce yourself and your Will from it. Concentrate instead on eating to a schedule (healthy foods), exercising, getting rid of anger, making friends (who like you back), and getting enough sleep. Read a book. Take yourself to a movie. Meditate. Go help someone who is worse off than you are. Get a life. Live it.

Egomania
Trying to impress others by boasting and bragging about how great you are, also called false pride. Egomania is the result of low self-esteem. You are trying to prevent people from finding out who you really are by inflating your worth, pretending to be what you are not, quarreling with those who disagree with you, playing uproar (creating a false incident in order to be the center of attention), or being stubborn for its own sake (usually about trivial things). Inside, you may be afraid of what people think of you, or you may crave attention and try to get it through manipulation. Unfortunately for you, most people recognize this behavior for what it is, and you get the exact opposite of the reaction you wanted. No one respects you, and they see that you are behaving like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum.

We need to be honest with ourselves and evaluate what our real strengths and weaknesses are, and know to within an inch exactly what our abilities are if we are to accomplish anything magickally and spiritually. This means we must give up ego. Try affirmations like, "My worth as a person is not based on my accomplishments," "Because I exist, I am worthy," "I am a star in the company of stars." Try getting the attention off of yourself and listen to someone else without thinking about what you are going to say. Stop playing one-upmanship when someone else relates a life experience. Go volunteer at a homeless shelter and listen to the folks who live there. Everyone else is exactly equal to you, you are no better or worse, and everyone is entitled to their own opinions and Wills, it has nothing to do with you. What other people think about you is none of your business. Focus on the spiritual work and keep silent.

Anger
A violent desire to punish others. Hey, this is not your job. Karma is up to the Universe, not you. Violence begets violence. You may feel a self-satisfied smirk for a little while after your "revenge" but all you are really doing is wracking up negative karma. You rarely succeed in hurting your target; they don't care, and even if you killed someone's body, you didn’t touch who they are. Anger just breeds more anger, and rage just makes people want to avoid you, then you get to feel sorry for yourself. If you are touchy, unduly sensitive, and fly into frustrated rages, then there are issues there to examine. What are you trying to control? Why? Who are you really angry with? Your father? Your mother? Yourself? Your ex? Why are you taking it out on others? What is it that makes you feel threatened or insecure? Remember that a differing opinion does not negate your right to exist. You can still have your opinion. Other’s opinions and actions have nothing to do with you. Relax!!! You might want to try getting a plastic coke bottle, wrapping the handle in duct tape, and beating the tar out of a door frame (do this if you are alone!) until you feel exhausted, keep it up on a daily basis while yelling out your issue (%^&* my father for hitting me in front of my boyfriend!! #$@ my ex for making me feel like a doormat!! I hate ____ for rejecting me!) Do this until you no longer get angry. Combine this with meditations on accepting others, and on inner peace. You might dig holes in the woods and yell into them until you are yelled out, then fill them in. Keep digging holes until you feel better. We have to stop taking anger out on others, and we have to get rid of the backlog if we hope to achieve the Great Work. You may be taking yourself too seriously. Go buy a sense of humor and learn to laugh at yourself instead of at others, and your blood pressure will go way down.

Lazines
Illness of the will that causes a neglect of responsibility. It isn’t anyone else’s fault that you don’t have a job/clean house/more knowledge…. Self-discipline is the first lesson in magick. We have all kinds of excuses for not doing something, like paying bills or doing laundry, and the excuses have to stop. Make a simple schedule and follow it Telling yourself that you are "flexible" instead of admitting that you are easily distracted won’t help. True will involves self-discipline, and you are not going to get it by laying on the sofa.

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