Thelemic Four Step Guide: Step 1 - Personality Defects

When a person in recovery begins a 4th step, s/he usually begins with a list of positive and negative qualities, often referred to a character defects. Divide a sheet of paper (you might need more) into two columns labeled "positive" and "negative." Under positive, list those characteristics about yourself that have helped you get along better with others, make a living, make friends, turn aside anger, accomplish your True Will and encourage spirituality. (Will and Whim are very different. Will might be-it is my will to learn the Star Ruby. Whim is – "It is my will to have ice cream.") Under negative, list all of those qualities that prevent you from having fulfilling relationships with others, cause you trouble at home or work, cause you to react with anger or violence, and separate you from spiritual pursuits (or True Will). Defects might include:

• Selfishness and Ego-centric behavior (My physical attributes are so great, you have to want me…)
• Making excuses
• Dishonest thinking/rationalization
• Harming others (hurt feelings, abuse, inconsiderate action)
• Pride ("I'm too good to"help with the dishes"), "I'm important…"
• Resentments (I hate so-in-so because…this gets its own chapter)
• Intolerance, prejudice, and imperiousness
• Impatience
• Envy and Jealousy
• Possessiveness
• Procrastination
• Self-pity
• Easily hurt feelings.
• Fear and anxiety.

Selfishness/Egocentrism: Taking care of one's own comfort, advantage without regard for the well being or interests of others. Disregarding others' Wills and feelings, disrupting their lives to get your own way. Feeling that the world revolves (or should revolve) around you and your whims.

Examples:

• Your lodge is having a party, you get drunk and try to seduce a sister, then insult her when she wants nothing to do with you.

• Your child needs a new pair of shoes, you wait until payday and buy new magickal books and a bag of pot, but forget the shoes.

• Your coven is doing an initiation, you refuse to take a speaking part for fear that you might look foolish, you excuse it as being "shy."

• A new coven member wants to go to coffee with you because s/he doesn't know anyone in town, you ignore shim because you want to read.

Making Excuses/Rationalization: Justifying unhealthy behavior (drinking, arguing, over-eating, projection) through mental gymnastics. Down playing your harmful actions by false justifications.

Examples:

• Starting tomorrow, I will... "stop drinking, start exercising, meditate, etc."

• I just need a few hits off this pipe before ritual.

• I have more power, and do better ritual when... "high, drunk, tripping"

• I can’t get a job because I'm pagan (or any other excuse).

• I am too non-conformist to... "work, get a place to live, etc."

• It's too hard.

• It says in the Book of the Law that it's okay for me to drink a lot (read it again, it doesn't say that).

• Drinking/using drugs makes me more comfortable.
  

Dishonest Thinking: Lying to yourself to save pride or preserve your unhealthy behavior.

This is another way of lying, of lying to yourself. This is in direct contradiction to the injunction "know thyself," and also runs counter to oaths of honesty. It might include projecting your behavior onto others, or to ascribing motives to others that aren't accurate, but more often it involves twisting your conclusions to arrive at getting your own way.

Examples:

• We have an open relationship, so it won’t matter if I have sex with Z. My partner would probably be upset if I tell her about it afterwards, so I won’t tell her.

• If I tell my family about the extra money I made doing readings, they will want to spend it, so I won’t tell them, why start an argument?

• I support my family, and I show up for rituals, what more could they want? It’s not fair that my partner keeps wanting me to talk to him, if he doesn't know what I want by now, he doesn't really love me.

Pride: Egotistical vanity, arrogance, bragging (other than as a ritual act), ostentatious display, self-admiration to the point of ignoring the contributions of others.

Examples:

• You are ashamed to let people know that you were abused (or that you didn't really have training before you joined the coven.)

• You make a mistake and are called on it. You get angry.

• You refuse to assist your lodge cleaning because you consider it menial.

• You think your good job (nice clothes, looks, body, house, etc.) makes you better than the other people in the coven/lodge/community, and you treat them accordingly.

• You think your position entitles you to be condescending to others.

• You think nothing of hurting others feelings, criticizing, slandering, and assassinating the characters of others in order to make yourself feel important (or perhaps to hide your own faults).

• Instead of admitting you made a mistake, you make excuses.
  

Intolerance: Refusal to put up with beliefs, practices, customs, or habits that differ from our own. This is abhorrent to most neo-pagans, and ignored by others as an issue. Reverse discrimination is still wrong, and hating Christians will not facilitate spiritual progress.

Examples:

• You hate other people who have a different religion, nationality, or political view from yours.

• You look down on people who do not agree with you.

• Someone in your coven has attitudes that do not agree with yours, and you get angry at them, wanting them to conform to your view on the matter.

Impatience: Unwillingness to bear delay, opposition, pain, bother, or frustration calmly.

Do you throw a temper tantrum when things don't go as planned? That isn't just unhealthy for you, but for everyone around you. Breathe! If you raise your voice, or feel intolerably exasperated when you don't get your way, or things don't happen on your schedule, you need to examine the source of the feeling, and stop acting out!

Envy: Sadness at another's good fortune.

This might include belittling someone to make yourself feel better, this is not acceptable. Try being happy for them and remember "My joy is to see your joy." (BOL, I)

Phoniness: A manifestation of false pride, presenting a false front. Usually the result of the feeling "if they really knew me, they wouldn't like me."

This differs from the "social mask" in that a social mask can be removed, while being phony becomes a way of life. High Priestess Disease often takes this form, but envy can cause you to perceive phoniness where none exists.

Procrastination If you are putting things off, you are not doing your True Will. Magickally speaking, procrastination is the worst thing you can do. Don't put it off any longer, figure out why you either do or don't want to do something, then take action! Feeling too lazy or proud to take out the trash is going to give you an insect infestation, and just makes you look silly. Self-discipline is the first requirement for magickal accomplishment, and it apples to every facet of life, not just how many times one performs Liber Samakh per day. Pay the phone bill. Remember that big things are made up of little things.

Self-Pity Everyone feels sorry for themselves at some point in life, the danger is that too much self-pity usually leads to self-destructive behavior or even suicide if not stopped. Not to mention that self-pity rarely, if ever, elicits sympathy in others. Playing "if only," or indulging in feeling trapped and hopeless is a sure fire recipe for disaster. List what you feel sorry for yourself about.

Examples:

• My knee hurts all the time, and you should feel bad for me.

• If I had money, people would respect me.

• I ran out of pot, and I can't afford more right now.

• I haven't had sex in a long time (usually a lead in for ya wanna)

• My boyfriend left me, and now I have to pay for everything myself.

When self-pity starts to take its toll, a gratitude list is helpful. Make a list of everything in your life that you have ever been grateful for, be sure to include health, education, housing, friends. When all else fails, visit a homeless shelter or cancer ward and get over it.

Feelings easily hurt Touchy, sensitive, thin-skinned, easily offended, these are all the traits of self-centeredness. If you find yourself arguing a lot, you have this problem, and it does need to be rooted out if you want to be healthy. It usually stems back to low self-esteem and insecurity. You are fine as you are, you don't need to defend your right to exist.

Examples:

• You show up for coven meeting in your new robe and a sister compliments someone else on their robe. You feel hurt and angry that she didn't compliment you.

• You think people are taking about you... What other people think about you is none of your business.

Fear A inner foreboding, real or imagined, of doom ahead. Fear is sometimes masked as bravado, you are usually the only person who doesn't see this. What do you fear (be honest with yourself!, the statement "I'm not afraid of anything" is inherently false, you are lying to yourself)? When we learn to accept (Step #1), ask for the help of the Powers that Be however you define them, and face ourselves with honesty, the fear will diminish into a dislike or boundary.

" I don't like my job, but it will do for now". "I refuse to allow myself to be abused, to that end, I have earned a black belt".

intro | Step 1 | Step 2 | Step 3 | Step 4 | Step 5 | Step 6 | Step 7 | conclusion

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